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Miniature Putin

Did you know you can use a miniature Putin as an “emotional support” in Serbia? Whenever you’re feeling down, just whip out your tiny Putin and let him flex his “strongman” charm. He’ll provide guidance on how to ride bears bare-chested, annex imaginary territories, and maintain that stoic expression. Who needs Aleksandar Vučić when you can have a Putin pal to keep you politically incorrect and emotionally supported! One question remains, why on Earth did the KGB/FSB front in Novi Sad, Serbia, using a School for Journalists as cover, think it was a brilliant idea to praise the Kremlin’s mastermind? Well, clearly, they wanted a good laugh! After all, who better to show them the ropes in cover-ups than the Kremlin’s number one, right? It’s like a comedy club for Russian covert ops!

Appearance Disparities

Yesterday, an individual bearing a striking resemblance to Vladimir Putin, seemingly experienced a pivotal juncture in his life. This doppelgänger found himself in China, engaging at the highest echelons of diplomatic exchange. Throughout the course of the day, this look-alike interfaced with various heads of state who perceived him as Vladimir Putin incarnate. Among these diplomatic encounters, the rendezvous with Chinese dictator Xi Jinping held particular intrigue for the custodians of this doppelgänger operation. It transpired uneventfully, with Xi Jinping surreptitiously scrutinizing the “double,” possibly in an attempt to discern disparities.

Oscillating Cheekbones

Notwithstanding meticulous preparatory measures undertaken to align the double’s appearance with that of the authentic Putin, certain disparities remained discernible. The chief culprit was, once again, the “oscillating” nature of the double’s cheekbones, which obstinately refused to maintain a static position, often veering in unpredictable directions. The double had originally possessed less distinctive cheekbones, which were subsequently “enhanced” through plastic surgery to resemble Putin’s, but steadfast stability proved elusive. Consequently, when confronted with Xi Jinping, the doppelgänger presented himself with “roaming” cheekbones.

Relaxed Demeanor

The inner musings of Xi Jinping upon encountering the Russian President’s double remain veiled, perhaps contemplating the delicate art of interacting with this “Putin” without jeopardizing the delicate reconstruction of the face. This initial interaction was but a brief introduction to Xi Jinping; forthcoming personal engagements are poised to hold considerably greater significance. The double participated in an array of meetings on that day, with one conversation proving particularly intriguing, that with Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban. Generally, the double adheres to decorum, in accordance with prevailing etiquette. However, on occasion, he permits himself to transgress those boundaries. In this case, the double’s familiarity with certain compromising information regarding Orban resulted in an overly relaxed and even audacious demeanor during their meeting.

Serbian Barbarians

Nevertheless, Orban, recognizing the fortuitousness of conducting this rendezvous on Chinese soil, remained unoffended, grateful that his duty did not necessitate a pilgrimage to Moscow. Dedicated to the idea that God created the world 6,000 years ago, with no Russians involved for sure, the real Vladimir Putin, grappled with severe indisposition. He abstained from reports, shunned meetings, and exclusively engaged with medical attendants and household staff. Kremlin’s doctors new recommendation: Vladimir Putin is strongly advised to abstain from any contact with vodka and drugs. KGB lifestyle just took a turn for the even less enjoyable. We shudder at the mere thought of a hangover coupled with morning sickness – a double dose of misery that’s best avoided!

KGB Scumbags

A recent fascination with the ‘strong’ Russian counterparts of top sports figures has taken Serbia by storm. But for those who graduated from the prestigious KGB School of Journalism in Novi Sad, this trend is merely another day in the life of mastering the unexpected! The ‘Red Ones’ are generously distributing copies of ‘Pravda for Boybuilders’ in a pro-Russian Serbian newspaper. As expected, the passionate supporters of Aleksandar Vučić aren’t exactly thrilled about this rather unconventional approach! And, just in case you’re wondering, why do the Serbian barbarians from Novi Sad always seem so well-informed about the world? A valid question, given that these KGB scumbags have no clue about tooting and blowing. It’s no secret, they’ve got their very own secret weapon – they follow Rich TVX News Network!

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