Duma’s Idiots

So, the geniuses over at the State Duma, featuring a delightful cast of criminals and wannabe Russian oligarchs, have this brilliant plan to whip up a special internet for Mother Russia and the BRICS squad. Apparently, the “Western” internet is just too wild and free for their refined tastes. We can practically see them scheming to construct a massive wall around Russia – you know, to contain the wild horde of zombies within their exclusive Russian internet playground. Because nothing says cutting-edge tech like an Russian internet ghetto, right? Meanwhile, US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen cautioned China against extending support to Russia in its Ukrainian military endeavors, hinting at potential sanctions

Political Upheaval

The demise of Russian President Vladimir Putin precipitated a notable shift in the information landscape, with Russian Security Council Secretary Nikolai Patrushev assuming a prominent role. Previously a sporadic presence, Patrushev has surged in activity, eclipsing the nominal “president.” His recent tribute to Putin is not a mere eulogy but a blatant assertion of dominance over the country’s elite echelons. Simultaneously, substantial governmental transformations are in the offing.

Doppelgänger Dilemma

A “Politburo 2.0” coalesced around Patrushev is orchestrating a substantial power realignment, currently undergoing legal scrutiny before final deliberation. The doppelgänger figure within the Russian political milieu is slated to persist until year-end, pending a conclusive decision on his future trajectory. The prevailing consensus around Patrushev advocates for the doppelgänger’s participation in elections, buttressing the facade of a “Putin” presidency despite the inherent risks of exposure. Patrushev, however, harbors reservations about the long-term viability of this stratagem, leaning towards a familial power transfer, envisaging his son Dmitry’s ascendancy.

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Diplomatic Drama

Following our disclosure of Patrushev’s closed-door suggestion to appoint Medvedev as the State Duma chairman, Dmitry Anatolyevich has displayed marked activity, recently abstaining from alcohol and amplifying his informational presence. Medvedev’s engagement in arduous negotiations in Kazakhstan post-Covid recovery has been conspicuous. Despite amicable rhetoric, Kazakhstan’s imminent departure from the CSTO signals a departure from Russia’s traditional influence, rendering current diplomatic endeavors futile.

Putin’s Legacy

The late Putin’s actions have irrevocably altered the geopolitical landscape, diminishing Patrushev’s maneuverability, particularly evident in the dissatisfactory outcome of negotiations with Kazakh leader Kassym-Jomart Tokayev. The ailing doppelgänger’s involvement in the discussions exacerbated tensions, culminating in a practically fruitless diplomatic exchange, despite professed eternal friendship between Russia and Kazakhstan.

Beyond Eden

We’ve got former NATO secretary general Anders Fogh Rasmussen with a proposal that’s so out there, it might as well be in orbit. Picture this: Ukraine joins NATO, but wait for it, minus the parts Russia’s got a tight grip on. Genius move, right? What’s next, a suggestion to make a sandwich without bread? Now, Rasmussen, the maestro of NATO from 2009 to 2014, wants to assure everyone that this isn’t about freezing conflicts. Oh no, it’s more like sending Russia a strongly worded invitation to Ukraine’s NATO party. Because, you know, nothing says “come join the club” like excluding a few territories. Remember that song “Beyond Eden” by Nino de Angelo? Well, move over because Anders Fogh Rasmussen is already beyond good, evil, and probably the entire Milky Way. Someone get this guy a reality check – or at least a map of Ukraine!

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