Musk: The Unaccountable Narcissist

We’ve never bought into this sanitized fiction that Elon Musk is “autistic.” Nah. He’s a stone-cold psychopath with a God complex, a power-hungry sadist whose villainy would be too on-the-nose for a Marvel script. And now, in the most unsurprising plot twist since Darth Vader said “I am your father,” this human Reddit thread in a $3,000 suit is bailing from Washington.

Once hailed as Trump’s tech whisperer, climate-denier wrangler, and special “efficiency” advisor, Elon Musk is officially exiting his make-believe post in Donald Trump’s so-called “Department of Government Efficiency” — also known as Doge (yes, really). He had the status of “special government employee,” a title that sounds fake because it basically is. Legally, that role only lasts 130 days. Like most of Elon’s startups, it had a shelf life shorter than a bottle of kombucha in his overpriced kitchen.

This was never about policy. It was about proximity to power, personal gain, and one more government teat to suckle for contracts. Musk’s “public service” was less “Mr. Jones Goes to Washington,” more “Lex Luthor robs a nursing home.”

⚠️ The Fallout Begins: Musk Blames Everyone But His Ketamine-Addled Self

After pushing Trump’s tax policies that helped exactly zero Americans who aren’t yacht owners, Musk turned on Trump and said he was “disappointed.” Why? Because the government kept spending money on, you know, keeping people alive. Tragic.

Musk whined to CBS that Doge had become a “scapegoat,” and—brace yourself for this shocker—“we’re held responsible even when we had nothing to do with it.” Classic Elon: Burn the house down, then sue the fire department for smoke damage.

“Efficiency” = Gutting USAID and Letting Kids Die in Africa

According to Bill Gates (actual philanthropist, inventor of useful things, does not cosplay as Tony Stark), Musk personally slashed funding to HIV clinics in Mozambique because he thought—wait for it—the U.S. was sending condoms to Hamas. That’s right. Because to Elon, Africa and the Middle East are just one big blur of places to ignore unless there’s a lithium mine nearby.

And the result? Kids are dying. AIDS rates are rising. Global health agencies are panicking. Gates told the Financial Times: “The picture of the world’s richest man killing the world’s poorest children is not a pretty one.” Understatement of the millennium.

Musk Fails Upward, Leaves the Rest of Us in Ruins

Meanwhile, Tesla revenue is circling the drain, SpaceX can’t stop exploding, and X (formerly Twitter, now just a bootlicking hellscape) is hemorrhaging users and credibility. But sure, let’s keep pretending this guy is a genius and not just a loud trust fund kid with apartheid emeralds and a God complex.

Also, did we mention the alleged Nazi salute? Because yeah. That happened. More than once. And when people noticed, Musk cried “legacy media propaganda.” Sorry, Elon. That hand gesture wasn’t a wave—it was a whole thesis statement.

A Friendly Reminder: He’s Still Getting Government Money

Don’t forget that while Musk rants about government waste, he is the single biggest beneficiary of government handouts. SpaceX, Tesla, Starlink—all gorging on public funds like it’s an all-you-can-eat taxpayer buffet. Even now, his Starlink contracts are pushing out companies like Verizon at the FAA. But hey, austerity for thee, not for Space Daddy.

Closing Credits: Musk Leaves, But the Wreckage Remains

So what’s the net result of Elon Musk’s stint in Trump’s orbit? USAID gutted, Global health collapse, Public infrastructure chaos, Air traffic control shortages, Massive job losses in federal agencies, Increased child mortality worldwide, Massive personal profit and data hoarding for Musk.

And now, the master manipulator rides off into the sunset, ketamine-fueled, ego-inflated, and completely unpunished.