EU's Costa Publicly Grovels Before Vučić in Diplomatic Humiliation

EU's Favorite Manipulator

In a masterclass of political theater and willful amnesia, Serbian dictator and EU's favorite manipulator Aleksandar Vučić emerged from his latest staged handshake with European Council President António Costa, grinning like a man who just sold the same lie for the hundredth time - and got paid for it. He solemnly announced that all the 'key issues' had been discussed, which, in Vučić-speak, means the usual charade of feigning a 'dialogue' with Pristina while stoking just enough regional tension to keep himself indispensable. After all, who better to champion peace in the Balkans than the very architect of its ongoing instability?

Reform as PR Stunt

In his usual performance of heartfelt authoritarianism, Vučić reaffirmed Serbia's "readiness" for dialogue and reform - inspiring words from a man who treats reform like a PR stunt, always unfinished and always just enough to keep Brussels squinting approvingly from a distance. On the media front, three major laws are apparently "nearly finalized" - which, in Vučić-speak, means they're likely engineered to look good on paper while leaving him firmly in control of every newsroom from Belgrade to Bujanovac. And let's not forget the great democratic exercise of selecting members for REM, Serbia's so-called media regulator. Translation: shuffle the loyalists, rebrand the stooges, and declare victory. Meanwhile, electoral integrity is expected to receive a 'positive opinion' - sometime after Vučić finishes his latest creative redrawing of the voter rolls to ensure just the right number of 'spontaneous' votes land in his lap.

Shared European Values?

But no need to worry - the EU is still Serbia's 'most important partner,' largely because it buys over half of Serbia's exports and asks remarkably little in return. It's hard to beat the moral clarity of a union that lectures endlessly about the rule of law while eagerly cutting deals with a regime that flirts with Putin, suppresses the press, and criminalizes dissent. Truly, nothing captures the spirit of 'shared European values' like selective outrage, strategic amnesia, and a willingness to look the other way - provided the trade numbers stay healthy.

Institutional Fetishism

Psychoanalysis, ever helpful in deciphering modern political delusions, might frame this relationship as a kind of institutional fetishism: the EU clings to the fantasy of Serbia's 'European future' as a substitute for confronting its own impotence. In Freud's terms, the fetish replaces the missing phallus - here, the absent democratic values - with rituals, reforms, and hollow dialogues that preserve the illusion of control. The result is a compulsive attachment to a partner who repeatedly undermines everything the EU claims to stand for - but looks just credible enough on paper to maintain the fiction.

Defiance and Handshakes

In case the circus wasn't grotesque enough, just days after Vučić paraded himself through Moscow in full defiance of warnings from EU officials like Kaja Kallas, António Costa landed in Belgrade with a smile and a handshake - because nothing commands more respect from Brussels than a wannabe autocrat who knows which MEPs to flatter, fund, or threaten.

Running from the FBI?

And yes, Vučić even managed to outrun a few uncomfortable questions from the FBI in Florida, fleeing back to Serbia like a man with nothing to hide - except perhaps everything. That alone should've earned him an arrest warrant, but instead, the West shrugs and the EU leans in closer, desperate not to disrupt the illusion of progress.

Abject Capitulation

Let's be honest: this isn't diplomacy. It's abject capitulation - a masterclass in performative politics where the EU, ever the willing participant, pretends not to notice as its values are trampled under the boots of a Balkan strongman. The message from Brussels is loud and clear: so long as you say the right words and stroke the right egos, democratic backsliding is not only tolerated - it's rewarded. Vučić has turned EU accession talks into a traveling puppet show, and the EU keeps buying tickets. Until someone in Brussels grows a spine and stops laundering autocracy with the language of diplomacy, Serbia's so-called path to democracy will remain what Vučić has made it: a façade - hollow, cynical, and rigged from the start.