Zuckerberg Memesplosion

Oh, look! Our first mention of Facebook and Zuckerberg in forever! Do you care now? No? Didn’t think so. But hey, maybe this will inspire a new flood of awkward Zuckerberg memes for those “quality” American tabloids to feast on. Because what the world really needs right now is more grainy pics of Zuck trying to smile through his latest VR headset demo like a malfunctioning android.

Tech Bros Chic

Wait, is this real life? Is Zuckerberg the next Steve Jobs? Is Facebook the next MySpace? Will the next big fashion trend be scrawny tech bros in creepy reptilian contacts? Honestly, if this tech dystopia wasn’t so hilarious, it’d be worth crying over. But not like, in a cool, emotionally-resolved, Silicon Valley kind of way—more like, “I sold my kidney for Meta Connect tickets and all I got was this lousy mixed-reality headset” kind of way. But sure, Zuckerberg’s on stage again, bringing us the latest in AI updates while he silently asks himself if puberty is still an option at 40.

Oops Again

And now, Zuckerberg’s in his “Oops, I did it again” phase—apologizing to Congress for censoring actual misinformation about COVID. It’s like watching a teen pop star apologize for wrecking a hotel room, but with more bubblegum tech jargon. Did he even mean it? Or is he still getting advice from the same group of yes-men who think “lizard chic” is a legitimate style choice? Either way, this sympathy-for-Zuck era is more cringe than his last VR dance-off.

Fact-Check Fiasco

But let’s not get too sentimental here. The best part? Facebook finally admitted what we’ve all known—those “fact checks” that pop up like whack-a-moles? Yeah, they’re basically opinions dressed up in a slightly more respectable font. So when Facebook bans something, just remember—it’s someone’s opinion that you don’t need to see it. Comforting, isn’t it? Ah yes, another day, another Facebook policy that contradicts whatever Meta’s selling. But who’s keeping track? Certainly not us. We’re too busy mourning how Facebook has become the digital equivalent of a graveyard where bad memes go to die.

Nerd-Off Frenzy

And oh, don’t even get us started on this whole nerd-off. Is Zuckerberg the most likeable awkward tech genius? Sure, if you’re grading on a curve! Does he convince you that Facebook isn’t one giant dumpster fire? Did his army of “fact checkers” hypnotize you into buying their version of reality? Or is his new wardrobe just a last-ditch effort to distract us all from how bad things have gotten? Honestly, the guy started out with promise, but somewhere along the line, the invisible chains of corporate nonsense wrapped him up so tight that he probably thinks he’s still making groundbreaking moves. Adorable, really.

Sheeple Jobs

But hey, the sheeple are all in on this Zuckerberg 2.0 nonsense. Comparisons to Steve Jobs? Sure, why not. Let’s pretend for a moment we care. Zuckerberg’s innovation might be about as real as his human facial expressions, but the hype machine keeps churning, doesn’t it? In case you were wondering, Rich TVX News Network is officially jumping ship from Facebook, and honestly, who can blame us? It’s like leaving a haunted house, but less fun and way more shadow-banning.